IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The car is a disastrous 20th Century invention that has made the world’s cities more dangerous and polluted, as well as being responsible for the deaths of millions of people in accidents. Do you agree or disagree?

Driving a
car
Use synonyms
 is becoming increasingly popular. The motor
car
Use synonyms
 is a terrible invention of the 20th Century, which has changed the world's different regions more
harmful
Replace the word
harmfully
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 and
air
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apply
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polluted,
whereas
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 it is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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the reason for a
number
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 of accidents
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 may lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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death in the Majority of the population.
This
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 essay will discuss how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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city
life
Use synonyms
 is affected by the use of
such
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vehicles
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, which is hazardous
for
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Human health. Nowadays,
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
 is the most common vehicle used by a
number
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 of people.
Firstly
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, it is among the basic needs of an
individual
Check wording
individual's
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life
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, which is really helpful in the movement from one place to another in a short span of time.
For instance
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, a person can reach within
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 minutes on their destination as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public transportation.
Secondly
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, the motor
car
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 is essential in terms of privacy as well.
For example
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, women can travel freely without hesitation in their own
vehicles
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.
However
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, there are those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 believe to the contrary. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
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present, technology has been flourishing by leaps and
bound
Correct subject-verb agreement
bounds
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 and provides new avenues
while
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 keeping
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
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 up-to-date with the latest
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
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.
Similarly
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, the invention of the
car
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 has affected the world in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health and
the
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apply
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environmental factors. To illustrate
this
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, the accident rate has increased tremendously because of a large
number
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 of
vehicles
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 driving on the road.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 we are following the traffic rules,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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it is a matter of
life
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 and death when a minor mistake
has been done
Wrong verb form
is made
show examples
 by the driver.
Moreover
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, the air pollution is increased
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because of a large
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
amount
show examples
 of carbon dioxide released from these motor cars. In conclusion,
this
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 essay discussed the reasons
how
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 these
vehicles
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 disturb
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
city
life
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 by their frequent use, which in
turns
Fix the agreement mistake
turn
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to a
number
Use synonyms
 of deaths
due to
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 accidents.
Whereas
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature is
also
Linking Words
 affected by the pollution created by these cars.

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task achievement
Make your main arguments clear and strong. Add more examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Use simple connecting words like 'first', 'next', 'however', and 'in conclusion' to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You mentioned both benefits and problems of cars which shows balanced thinking.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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