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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

#amount #leisure #time #centres #influence #society
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Youngsters of nowadays pass most of their free
time
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 in shopping centres and it is feared that
this
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 development could have a negative effect on the younger ones and the
society
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. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
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 view because, passing a large amount of free
time
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 in shopping centres can divert their attention from academics,
therefore
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, not achieving their primary goals.
To begin
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, young people who dedicate most of their leisure
time
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 in shopping centres might lose focus on their primary aim.
This
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 is because other activities
such
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 as sports and learning useful skills will be neglected.
Also
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, these young adults may tend to lose focus on their studies and
as a result
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, deteriorate in their academics and end up dropping out of school.
For example
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, a child who is engrossed in shopping will not have the
time
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 to study or focus on school.
Furthermore
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, youngsters who may be indispensable of money might steal in order to buy desired materials seen in shopping stores and
this
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 will cause a damage to the
society
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 because
this
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 behaviour could spread among all the younger ones in the
society
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 causing an unsafe environment for the residents.
In addition
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, these sets of young people might influence other teenagers in the
society
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 and
instead
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 of the prosperity of the
society
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, it will in turn become a dangerous place to live.
Consequently
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, derailing the growth of the community and damaging its name. In conclusion, I strongly agree that young people spending most of their leisure
time
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 in shopping centres can have a detrimental effect on the them and the
society
Use synonyms
 as it can divert their attention from academics and cause them to steal and practice other vices.
Submitted by moyosoreogunnowo on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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