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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.

The pie charts show the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.
#show #results #survey #university #students #services
The pie charts
compares
Change the verb form
compare
show examples
 the estimation of
students
 about their
services
 of IT support offered and
opening
Correct article usage
the opening
show examples
hours
 of full-
time
 and
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
ferformed
Correct your spelling
performed
 by a university. As can be seen from the charts that
almost
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 people were satisfied
about
Change the preposition
with
show examples
services
 but the proportion of
students
satisfaction
Replace the word
satisfied
show examples
 with IT
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 higher than that with opening
hours
. Looking at the positive responses first, the proportion of the full-
time
students
 ranked first with
services
 of IT supporting very happy accounted for 54% but only 5% of the
part –
Correct your spelling
part–time
show examples
time
students
 rated
services
 of IT supporting as excellent and it held the
third
 position.
However
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 and
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
students
 were satisfied with
Correct article usage
the intrusment
show examples
intrusment
Correct your spelling
intrusion
instrument
 of opening
hours
 with the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
former registering 87% and the latter a massive 72%.The percentage of both types of
students
 quite happy was equivalent with
services
 of IT
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
 and that of
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
students
 was 11% higher than the figure of
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
students
 with
services
 of opening
hours
. With regard to negative the percentage of
part
-
time
students
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 dissatisfied with
services
 of IT
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 made up nearly half and it was first – placed,
while
 the figure of
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
part
time
students
, who was unhappy only constituted 15%.Strikingly, the
emistation
Correct your spelling
imitation
emission
 of both kind
students
 wad discontent with mean of opening
hours
 accounted a very small
part
.
Submitted by phuongthaotn1509 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, services, hours, part, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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