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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#illnesses
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In recent times, more and more
people
 are getting sick because of
stress
.
This
 essay aims to look at why
this
 is happening and suggests ways to make it better. One big reason why
people
 are getting more stressed is because life is too fast these days. The constant rush, having too much work, and all the new technology mean
people
 don't have enough time to relax.
This
 makes them more stressed out.
Also
,
people
 today feel a lot of
pressure
 to be perfect in everything they do. Whether it's doing well at work, fitting in with others, or reaching personal goals, the
pressure
 is too much.
This
 kind of
pressure
 is making
people
 more stressed. Another reason is social media. Seeing pictures of seemingly perfect lives and always being connected online can make
people
 feel bad about themselves.
This
 constant exposure to social media and information overload can make
stress
 worse. To help with
this
 issue, we can consider a few simple solutions.
First,
we need to encourage
people
 to take care of themselves and find time to relax.
This
 means taking breaks, turning off phones, and not being too busy all the time.
Additionally
, we should talk more openly about how we feel and not put too much
pressure
 on ourselves to be perfect. By changing the way society thinks, we can reduce the
stress
people
 feel.
Furthermore
, we can teach
people
 simple ways to manage
stress
.
This
 can be done at school or work, helping everyone learn how to cope better with the challenges of everyday life. In conclusion, more
people
 getting sick from
stress
 is a big problem. It's because life is too fast, there's too much
pressure
, and social media makes it worse. To fix
this
, we should encourage everyone to take care of themselves, change how we think about being perfect, and teach
people
 how to manage
stress
 better.
This
 way, we can make society healthier and less stressed
Submitted by aydinaliyew on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and explores a single main idea thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a more sophisticated use of cohesive devices to create better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the conclusion summarizes the main points and reflects back on the introduction without repeating it verbatim.
task achievement
Although the response includes relevant solutions, provide more specific examples to strengthen the argument and make the essay more convincing.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas by exploring the underlying reasons behind each cause and solution, giving the reader a deeper understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stress-related illnesses
  • hypertension
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • modern lifestyle
  • work pressure
  • technological advancements
  • social pressures
  • material wealth
  • work-life balance
  • mindfulness
  • meditation
  • stress management
  • flexible working hours
  • telecommuting
  • mandatory vacation
  • educational programs
  • mental health
  • supportive work environment
  • counseling services
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