IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effects #children
With the advent of technology like everyone else nowadays even children rely on computers for various purposes. Though computers help to make our life convenient, it
aslo
in addition
also
 has
it's
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 own drawbacks and
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 agree that using
computer
Suggestion
computers
a computer
the computer
 on a daily basis can have negative effects on children.
Firstly
,
Accept space
,
Unllike
marked by dissimilarity
unlike
olden days
Suggestion
the olden days
 children are now introduced to computers at a very young
age which
Accept comma addition
age, which
 enhances them to master
this
 new technology at an early stage of life. Children find it easier to use computers for study purposes than refer to books.
For example
: Finding a topic is much easier and faster using a
computer
 than a book. Students preparing for school projects
finds
Suggestion
find
 it convenient to use computers as they enable us to find relevant information from different articles whereas for the same topic you might be required to refer to many books in order to find the substantial material.
However focussing
Accept comma addition
However, focussing
 on the screen of a
computer
 for too long
definetly
without question and beyond doubt
definitely
 causes trouble for your eyes in the long run.
For instance
 Children who are addicted to games are seen using computers for
prelonged
relatively long in duration; tediously protracted
prolonged
hours which
Accept comma addition
hours, which
 causes headaches and even problems with their
eye sight
normal use of the faculty of vision
eyesight
.
Theu
Suggestion
They
 become less attentive to the outside world due to binge watching programs on
computers which
Accept comma addition
computers, which
 results in children being lethargic and can
also
 have health issues as it is important for them to actively participate and play games as it helps to boost their brain functioning. In
conclusion despite
Accept comma addition
conclusion, despite
 the advantages, drawbacks of using a
computer
 on a regular basis cannot be overlooked.
Although
 computers help to make your life easier children should
aslo
in addition
also
 be taught not to over use them due to the various consequences it can have on them
.
Accept space
.
Submitted by Varsha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: