IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In conclusion, people choose particular goods because they want to be accepted in the society and also because of the values of the products.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the adoration of a few fields
such
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 as fashion and consumer goods is an illustration of the likelihood of
people
Use synonyms
 love to copy the other.
Nonetheless
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, I contend that the phenomenon was not solely triggered by duplication intentions, it was
also
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 induced by several reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraph.
To begin
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 with, as a social member of a group,
people
Use synonyms
 try to fit in the society. They follow things that other members like in order to get approval. An illustration of
this
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 is when a girl did not like to use social media before, but she eventually made it because her friends insisted.
This
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 shows that she did not imitate the major group blindly. In
this
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 case, following the mainstream is a social indictment.
Furthermore
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, personal taste is involved in trend-making. If something becomes a favourite by most
people
Use synonyms
, it does not mean everyone likes it.
Therefore
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, in some fields,
people
Use synonyms
 are broken into a few big groups. Music is a prime example, some like jazz
while
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 some love pop.
Hence
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, it shows that personal preference plays a big part in decision-making.
In addition
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, a brand becomes popular not only because a trendsetter wore it, but
also
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 because it had good quality. High-quality brands,
such
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 as Gucci or Nike, have proven to exist for a long time
as a consequence
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 of providing the best products In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 choose particular goods because they want to be accepted in society, appreciate the values of the products, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
matches
Correct subject-verb agreement
match
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their preferences.

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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the central premise and provides a roadmap for the essay. While your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, the introduction would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the task.
Cohesion
Establish clear connections between paragraphs using cohesive devices, and ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the central topic. The logical structure is somewhat consistent, but transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of your essay.
Support
Develop the central idea of each paragraph further by providing more specific examples and explanations to support your main points. Your paragraphs include relevant examples, but they could be strengthened with more detailed and varied support.
Task Response
Address all parts of the task effectively. Aim to develop a balanced approach to the topic with a clear, comprehensive response. The ideas in your essay are relevant to the topic, but at times, they require more elaboration and specificity to fully satisfy the task requirements.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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