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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility
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Crime
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 commitment protection is the responsibility of
government
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 based on some people's
belief but
Accept comma addition
belief, but
on the other
Linking Words
hand some
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hand, some
 consider that it is a personal responsibility. In my opinion, I think that both sides are partially true and it needs to discuss both of them concurrently,
besides
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, I think
first
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 of all people have to protect themselves from committing the
crime
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 and
then
Linking Words
 if they are not successful
,
Accept space
,
 it would be governments' turn to control the criminals. On the one hand, people are responsible for their actions, that means, each person is taught about right and wrong
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
,
Accept space
,
so, they are expected to act in
right way
Suggestion
the right way
a right way
, in another word, they are expected to have
self-control
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 of doing unpleasant or harmful actions especially when their act or
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 might hurt other people. Totally, a
conscience
Suggestion
conscientious
 person never commits the
crime
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 and
as a result
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 of that, the
crime
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 rate would reduce, if people improve their
self-control
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behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 or listen to their conscience.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people believe that
government
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 has to prevent the
crime
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commitment
Suggestion
commission
committed
. It is partially true because a powerful
government
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 could run out the law or increase the security in the community by training more police officers. Sometimes
government
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 neglected some of the rules because of criminal connections with authorities and the lack of strength in running out of the law increase the
crime
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 rates. What's more lack of security, make it possible to committing the
crime
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 without fear of arresting or punishment.
Finally
Linking Words
, in my point of view, it is essential to teach the younger generation how to have
self-control
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 in order to create individual protection of committing a
crime
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 and the
government
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 should increase their monitoring on punishments and security. In conclusion, we have two groups of people. One
consider
Suggestion
considers
 that the cause of
reduction
Suggestion
reduced
 the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate could depend on authority controls and another group think that
self-control
Use synonyms
 is one of the best ways of preventing a
crime
Use synonyms
commitment
Suggestion
committed
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsible for crime prevention
  • legislative power
  • trained personnel
  • public institutions
  • police force
  • judiciary
  • correctional facilities
  • maintain law and order
  • public good
  • personal accountability
  • self-defense measures
  • security systems
  • vigilant
  • community watch programs
  • education on personal security
  • empower individuals
  • reduce the risk of becoming victims of crime
  • synergistic approach
  • robust governmental measures
  • proactive steps
  • collaborative approach
  • foundation of security
  • aware and prepared citizenry
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