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Band 6.5

Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

#people #areas #cities
These days, more and more people migrate from rural to urban areas in search of work.
This
 trend can result in many issues, which calls for possible solutions to be adopted. Moving to cities can lead to several consequences.
Firstly
, living expenses are much higher than it is in small towns. Inhabitants of cities have to pay lots of money for housing, transport, etc.
This
 will make people work overtime frequently to have enough money to handle these expenses.
Thus
, they may become stressed and depressed. Another issue could be that the quality of air in the metropolis is often polluted, because of
fume
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fumes
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 from transportation and industrial activities.
Furthermore
, citizens may be stuck in traffic in rush hour for many hours.
This
 will make them become tired and lead to certain harmful impacts on health, especially respiratory diseases.
As a result
, city life can be unhealthy and stressful. There are several measures which can be put forward to the issues. One solution could be that the government should invest money in building more social buildings to reduce the cost of living.
This
 will help low-income people to settle down their
life
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lives
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.
Secondly
, the administration should charge a toll for access to city
centers
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centres
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 in order to lower the number of cars on the streets.
Besides
 that, they should encourage citizens to use more public transport
instead
 of private automobiles.
Consequently
, not only air pollution but
also
 traffic jam in the city
center
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centre
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 decreases. In conclusion,
although
 migration from rural to urban areas can cause a number of problems, there are several actions that can be taken to address these issues.
Submitted by To Quang on

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task response
Task Achievement: The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task. The writer has addressed both the problems associated with rural to urban migration and provided relevant solutions. Well done!
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is well-developed, with clear introduction and conclusion present. The main points are well supported and the essay flows coherently. However, there is room for improvement in providing more relevant specific examples to support the arguments. Try to include more detailed and specific examples to strengthen the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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