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Band 6.5

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects at university in many countries. Why is this? What effect does this have on society?

#students #science #subjects #university #countries #effect #society
There is no gainsaying the fact that
science
 has become an unfavourable subject amongst youngsters in the field of study.
Although
 there is a wide array of reasons for
this
, I consider it is not ameliorating for society. To commence with, there are a plethora of factors why
this
 problem is booming enormously day by day. The most significant reason is the large sum of tuition fees the colleges charge for these
subjects
. Sheridan College,
for example
, charges almost 10,000$-12000$ for
science
 field
subjects
whereas
, only 5000$- 6000$ for other
subjects
. Another worth considering reason is that these
subjects
 require day and night light to study.
In other words
, these require a lot of hard work and dedication which most youngsters do not wish to do.
Besides
 all
this
, it does not have any beneficiary impact on society. If students do not consider
science
 as their field in future it will affect the whole world as a society. The first and foremost reason is that there will be a decline in the number of scientists . As scientists play a vital role in making medicines so, the production of medicine will
also
 decrease and if it continues to happen it may come to a halt.
As a result
, people suffering from disease will have no cure and the mortality rate will increase.
To conclude
, the government should play a bigger role by reducing the fees of
science
subjects
thus
, encouraging students to study
science
 and helping in the development of the country and its residents.
Submitted by jaspreet on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure that the essay has a clear progression of ideas with well-structured paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments and maintain a clear connection between them.
coherence cohesion
Having an introduction and conclusion is good, but both need to be developed further. Make sure the introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the points made without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported, providing more detailed explanations, variety in sentence structures, and deeper analysis would improve the quality of your arguments. Avoid overly generic statements and strive to offer more nuanced insights.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, thoroughly address all parts of the prompt. The essay requires expansion on both why students are not choosing science subjects and the impact of this trend. Include more details and explore the reasons and consequences comprehensively.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Make an effort to elaborate on your points, providing more substance and clarity. This could involve explaining terms, providing background information, or discussing implications in greater depth.
task achievement
Specific examples are an essential part of illustrating your arguments, but they need to be both relevant and detailed. Instead of mentioning an example only in passing, take the time to explain how it supports your argument and relates to the wider implications you are discussing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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