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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in childhood obesity, while others think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #rise #childhood #obesity #fault #parents
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In recent decades, the quantity of adolescents with
obesity
Use synonyms
 has drastically increased.While some people claim that
ministry
Suggestion
the ministry
 is liable for the infants'
obesity
Use synonyms
, others believe that children overweight is the
parents
Suggestion
parent's
 responsibility.In my opinion, the latter approach appears more liable for adolescents. On the one hand, it is clear that
authority
Suggestion
the authority
authorities
 should take a responsibility of
obesity
Use synonyms
 in children.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these days more and more people rely on fast
food
Use synonyms
 or pre-prepared meals, which contain too much fat, salt and sugar.To be more specific, these foods are attractive to children because they are cheap to buy and very easy to prepare.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
 an unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 can cause various problems
such
Linking Words
 as type 2 diabetes, heart disease and cancer as well as
obesity
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
 a paper published by Dr Robert Watson, a world renowned specialist, reveals that the reason for infant's
obesity
Use synonyms
 is that more than 58% of children are eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 in schools. Parents,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, should care about the weight of their adolescents.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, the philosophy about everything begins from home, it
make
Suggestion
makes
 sense that environment of
home
Suggestion
the home
homes
reflect
Suggestion
reflects
 to infants habit.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
mostly
Suggestion
most
 overweight children have uncontrolled eating habit by their parents, so infants prefer consuming unhealthy foods without knowing the dire effects to their body.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
 parents are really busy with working, so they cannot manage well about their
children
Suggestion
child's
children's
 meal as they just provide some money to
theira
Suggestion
their a
children
Suggestion
child
 for having a lunch.In additional, infants choose to lead a sedentary lifestyle.
In particular
Linking Words
, in their leisure time, they watch television or go online as well as play video game
instead
Linking Words
 of doing outdoor activities. To sum up, both the ministry and parents can play an indispensable role in preventing Child
obesity
Use synonyms
.The ministry should regulate the
food
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 industry and parents should serve healthy home cooked meals, and encourage to play outdoor sports.
Submitted by Md Ridoy Hossain on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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