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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #food #effects #families #societies
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Now we are living in
chaotic world
Suggestion
a chaotic world
the chaotic world
. Endless of fashion shows and popular trends, a huge world-wide selection of video game and visual blockbusters, the exotic journey to the frequented places for the convenient and affordable global flights, all these enjoyments prove our societies has changed frequently and ubiquitously. The fast
food
Use synonyms
 industry was born in
this
Linking Words
 change, I
disagree it
Accept comma addition
disagree, it
 has the negative effects on both our society and our family-relationship. The flurry of fast
food
Use synonyms
 chain stores has dominated the main markets when crossed over our earth borders and ethical culture differences to replace the traditional
food
Use synonyms
. After busying all day in
office
Suggestion
the office
an office
 or meeting clients, enter one fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurant which you can find in anywhere in your city,
then
Linking Words
 no need to book and no need to wait a long queue, and you will get your
food
Use synonyms
 in a few minutes or has prepaid well by the electric
food
Use synonyms
 menu, our human can get the instinctual gratification from a paper box of the spaghetti bolognaise. The prepared
food
Use synonyms
meet
Suggestion
meets
 the customer’s demand and copes our stomach so well, and many new brands storm
to
Suggestion
of
this
Linking Words
 flourish matured
markets
Suggestion
market
. Our society and family relationships are
also
Linking Words
 reforming so
quickly mainly
Accept comma addition
quickly, mainly
 affected by the high-tech when the creations and productions are not independent
by
Suggestion
of
 men’s strength only. The gender gap is gradually
become
Suggestion
becoming
 venial and the
diversity
Suggestion
diverse
 cultures are encouraged by many governments and companies. Most of the women prefer to work
instead
Linking Words
 to be housewives just like their
mom
informal term for a mother
mum
 or granny, so we don’t have too much
chances
Suggestion
chance
 to enjoy the delicious and time-consuming traditional home cooked
food
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the high fat, salty,
energy fast
Accept comma addition
energy, fast
food
Use synonyms
 always was taken as the rubbish
food
Use synonyms
 when leads to the unhealthy
deits
a prescribed selection of foods
diets
 and obesity issues, and is competing with the online takeaway for the traditional
food
Use synonyms
 shops. The fast
food
Use synonyms
 companies
has employed
Suggestion
have employed
 a large of RQ team focusing on how to cook
the healthy
Suggestion
healthier
 fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by janezhang212 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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