IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, TV channels provide men’s sport show more than women’s sport show. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport?

#tv #channels #men’s #sport #show #women’s #time
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In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, sportsmen are dominant in
sports
Use synonyms
 media, whilst sportswomen have very little attention. The optimal reason for
this
Linking Words
 trend lies in the prejudice against
women
Use synonyms
 playing
sports
Use synonyms
, and
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that people
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 more interest in
men’s
Use synonyms
 sporting events
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I personally opt for sex equality in broadcasting
sports
Use synonyms
 shows. One reason to explain for the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 not being paid enough attention is the fixed idea that
women
Use synonyms
 should not partake in intensive physical activities. Images of female players competing against an opponent, some of which involve strong activities, are still considered abnormal
to
Change preposition
by
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 a number of people,
hence
Linking Words
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 to
women
Use synonyms
’s
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 shows downgraded.
In addition
Linking Words
, sportsmen shows are more engaging to watch.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because the male is obviously stronger,
more
Correct word choice
and more
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 aggressive, which makes their broadcasted shows more stunning and thrilling.
As a result
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, people
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
generally
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 watching
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities involving men than those of
women
Use synonyms
 and the television studio can generate huge
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
 from matches and competitions played by males. Take football in Vietnam as a concrete example. Throughout the time of the 30th Sea
games
Capitalize word
Games
show examples
,
men’s
Use synonyms
 football matches
attract
Wrong verb form
attracted
show examples
 millions of audiences from different parts of Vietnam,
whereas
Linking Words
 those
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a
remarkable
Change the word
remarkably
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 low rate of viewership.
Nevertheless
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, I do believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ignorance is unacceptable in
this
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 egalitarian society and female athletes should be given equal opportunities. If
men’s
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 programs continue to receive significant support from the fans, it might cause gender inequality, which
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 one of the most controversial
debate
Change to a plural noun
debates
show examples
 for decades.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the number of
women
Use synonyms
 athletes has shown no sign of abating so far, and
therefore
Linking Words
, TV should cover
this
Linking Words
 potential area more. In conclusion, the wider
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
audience watching
men’s
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
 is the ultimate reason why TV directors provide more
men’s
Use synonyms
 shows than
female’s
Change noun form
female
show examples
 on. I am of the opinion that there should be an existence of greater sexual equality.
Submitted by Hai Yen Nguyen on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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