IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that globalization is leading to culture of individual country being lost. What can be done to protect a society traditional values?

There is no doubt that many nations are gradually losing their traditional values and adopting foreign cultures in their lives.
However
Linking Words
, there are many solutions to resolve
this
Linking Words
 issue, one of them could be limiting foreign
language
Use synonyms
 classes and another is providing
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
show examples
 to local professionals. The plausible solution to protect the cultural value of society is to limit the classes of a new
language
Use synonyms
. To elucidate, irrefutably, native
language
Use synonyms
 plays an integral role in the communities. The majority of countries
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 teach
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 tongue since nursery,
hence
Linking Words
, children often
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
 to learn their mother tongue. If higher authorities impose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stringent laws that all schools are authorized to learn a new
language
Use synonyms
 after secondary school, children will know their mother tongue.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Chinese
Government
Use synonyms
 has made it mandatory to learn a new
language
Use synonyms
 after secondary school.
This
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 has resulted in all Chinese
can speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
show examples
 and
chat
Wrong verb form
chatting
show examples
 in their Chinese
language
Use synonyms
 rather than any other foreign
language
Use synonyms
, and their native
language
Use synonyms
 is predominant in all sectors. Another solution to restrict people from adopting foreign talent is to give subsidies and provide support to local professionals. If the
government
Use synonyms
 gives
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
show examples
 and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 the talent of musicians, writers, dancers and traditional costume makers, these professionals will do everything for their country and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not get attracted to a foreign culture.
As a result
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,
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 culture and traditional values could be maintained.
For instance
Linking Words
, many Rajasthani dancers are motivated by the
Government
Use synonyms
 of India to depict their talent in Folk Dance which is very popular in India.
Thus
Linking Words
, the traditional dance could be maintained and foreign dance
does
Verb problem
would
show examples
 not
give
Wrong verb form
be given
show examples
 much importance. In conclusion, the traditional values and culture of all countries are on the verge of extinction. Only when the
government
Use synonyms
 allows schools to prolong the learning of foreign
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 to higher secondary and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 subsidies and support to local talented people, will the problem be solved
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples

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task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, include statistics or studies that support your arguments about language learning and cultural preservation.
coherence and cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. Using linking phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify your introduction and conclusion. Make sure that your thesis statement is clear and that your conclusion summarizes your main points succinctly.
task achievement
You present clear ideas about how to protect traditional values, which shows good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your examples, like the reference to the Chinese Government's policies, illustrate your points well and add depth to your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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