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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much as noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In the fast-paced world, there is an ongoing debate about whether
noise
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 affects many aspects of modern life. A group of individuals has strict regulations that should be introduced to control
noise
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.
However
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, others argue that individuals think they can just make as much
noise
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 as they want .
Therefore
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, ahead of my
opinion
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, both views will be discussed
further
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. Examining the former
opinion
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, the primary argument supporters put forward is that strict controls should be put in place on
noise
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.
This
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 is because having harmful impacts on
people
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's well-being. Intrusive sounds from traffic and a nearby industrial zone can lead to a deterioration in their mental and physical fitness that's caused by
people
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 being unable to sleep at night.
In addition
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, the productivity of work may be reduced
as a consequence
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 of
noise
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 from vehicles in the street , and some residents have
noise
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 that exceeds designated hours .
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter
opinion
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 have their own arguments.
To begin
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 with, their claim is that individuals should be free to make as much clatter as they enjoy.
People
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 feel more comfortable and free when creating
noise
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 for many activities
while
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 working or entertaining.
Furthermore
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, noises as a part of the industrialisation and modernisation process,
such
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 as traffic
noise
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 or engine
noise
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, play a significant role in familiarising urban citizens. In my
opinion
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, many
people
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 should have freedom in their lives. There are still reasonable limits on sound levels.
Besides
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 that, the freedom should not negatively affect the well-being of their.
Moreover
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, the government should implement balanced rules that allow normal activities
while
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 preventing excessive and unnecessary
noise
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, especially at night.
To conclude
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 and state my position, some
people
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 strictly control
noise
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 because of the harmful impacts of
noise
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 pollution,
others
Correct word choice
while others
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 believe they should be free to make as much
noise
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 as they wish. I argue that governments introducing balanced laws is the best solution to protect both personal freedom and public health.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Give one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few sentences are not fully clear. Use shorter and simpler sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is mostly good, but some lines feel hard to follow. Make each main idea connect more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each sentence group, then explain it before moving on.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is split into clear paragraphs.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • noise pollution
  • quality of life
  • noise levels
  • stress
  • disturb sleep
  • imposing legal restrictions
  • peaceful living environment
  • tolerance levels
  • personal freedom
  • business operations
  • designated quiet zones
  • commercial and industrial zones
  • urban areas
  • public awareness campaigns
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