IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. what problems are caused by this issue ? what can be done to solve the situation ?

#people #countryside #cities #towns #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is felt by some that educational institutes ought to include pieces as a part of their curriculum, whereas others consider science and information technology to be the school’s primary focus. In my opinion, the music carries just as much importance as the other areas of study and needs to be introduced as a subject in schools.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, introduction to melody can open possible career opportunities for students. Professional field is a large field indeed, and not every student aspires to be a doctor or a computer programmer,
for example
Linking Words
, but
instead
Linking Words
 they might want to become composers or singers. They might unfold their hidden talents, pursue it
further
Linking Words
 in future
,
Accept space
,
and perhaps become the
next
Linking Words
 Beethoven.
Moreover
Linking Words
, constant learning of technical subjects
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics and science, throughout the week, can be at times too overwhelming for a child to handle.
In other words
Linking Words
, singing reduces anxiety as students are able to relax and free their minds, away from demanding subjects. The majority of students perform better academically when they are psychologically at ease, through learning rap.
Finally
Linking Words
, music is an essential part of any civilization as it encourages other forms of communication. Many cultural, historical or political events are portrayed through songs, which is an effective method to teach children about the past events in a memorable manner. The song ‘ Bella Ciao’ is a prime example where originally workers in Italy sang it as a protest to unsuitable working conditions. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some underestimate the vitality of music, I consider it to be indispensable in the pupil’s study syllabus as it can drastically decrease stress and be a pathway for their potential career in rock.
Submitted by mustafa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: