IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and age together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #age
It is felt by some that educational institutes ought to include
music
 as a part of their curriculum, whereas others consider science and information technology to be the school’s primary focus. In my opinion,
music
Suggestion
the music
 carries just as much importance as the other areas of study and needs to be introduced as a subject in schools.
To begin
 with, introduction to
music
 can open possible career opportunities for students. Professional field is a large field indeed, and not every student aspires to be a doctor or a computer programmer,
for example
, but
instead
 they might want to become composers or singers. They might unfold their hidden talents, pursue it
further
 in future
,
Accept space
,
and perhaps become the
next
 Beethoven.
Moreover
, constant learning of technical subjects
such
 as mathematics and science, throughout the week, can be at times too overwhelming for a child to handle.
In other words
,
music
 reduces anxiety as students are able to relax and free their minds, away from demanding subjects. The majority of students perform better academically when they are psychologically at ease, through learning
music
.
Finally
,
music
 offers a creative platform that can in turn benefit the individual as well as the nation. Not only it can stimulate children’s imagination and be a source of inspiration, but it can
also
 encourage other forms of communication. Students can learn to express their emotions through melody, non-verbally, just like famous musicians and in turn if they become well known in
future
Suggestion
the future
, holding multiple concerts,
this
 can boost the country’s economy. In conclusion,
although
 some underestimate the vitality of
music
, I consider it to be indispensable in the pupil’s study syllabus as it can drastically decrease stress and be a pathway for their potential career in
music
.
Submitted by mustafa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: