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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views give your own opinion

#people #climate #change #effect #business #opportunities
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Climate change is considered one of the most urgent and devastating topics that need
an
Correct article usage
apply
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immediate action from everyone, world leaders, experts, and common people to find sustainable solutions.
To begin
 with, throughout the years, several elements had a negative impact on the environment which contributed to the climate change crisis.
Such
 as the greenhouse effect and waste products. And it is worth mentioning that human beings have the lion's share of
this
 dilemma.
However
, it is up to us to find the solutions to save our motherland and minimize the damage we have done so far. Looking closely at climate change and what it holds of unfavourable outcomes for humankind I have to say that I agree that it will badly affect businesses ,especially in the long term. Looking at farms
for instance
, farmers will face a difficult time in planting seeds
due to
 environmental changes , which, in turn, they will not be able to provide their products to the farmer markets,
as a result
, both the farmers and the sellers will face financial difficulties. Another example is industrial processes, if we didn't find alternative resources that hold lower negative impacts than today's resources,
then
, a lot of workers in factories will be at risk of losing their jobs. Having said that, I do not think that it will create more job opportunities. I can understand that some people think of
this
 idea as a good opportunity but I think they only are looking at the short term.
To sum up
, continuing on the same path as today will, eventually, result in business difficulties,
thus
 putting workers and employers at risk of losing their jobs.
Submitted by m-not21 on

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coherence cohesion
You did a good job introducing and rounding up your argument. The text flows naturally and the ideas are well organised. However, the closely-knitted logical structure was somewhat missed at places, causing minor confusion.
task achievement
While you have discussed both views, more in-depth and varied examples would enrich your arguments, making it more appealing. More specificity will make your argument more comprehensive and clear.
lexical resource
Your vocabulary is good and appropriate for the topic, but more varied language and synonyms could be used to avoid repetition and make your writing more nuanced.
grammatical range accuracy
Your grammar is fairly good, with only a few minor errors. However, the sentence structure could be more varied to fully demonstrate your grammatical capacity. Try using different types of sentences and conjunctions or relative clauses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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