IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world #population #humanity #time
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The worldwide growth of the population is rising more and more becoming the main issue we have to face nowadays. The
rise's
Change noun form
rise
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 in the world population is an effect
that is
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
 the improved standard of life we are facing today. Compared with previous centuries, we are now healthier and we have access to more nutrients than it was in the past. The technology improved greatly and we are now able to tackle the health problem more easily. The creation of vaccines,
for example
Linking Words
,
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 helped us to deal with global diseases that in the past were the main reason for mass deaths.
If in
Correct word choice
In
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 the past the main source of food came from subsistence agriculture, but after the industrial revolution more jobs were created and the life
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 improved. Nowadays we are
also
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 starting to
seealso
Correct your spelling
see also
 the negative effects of
this
Linking Words
 constant and fast growth. If before the development was seen as something positive that should not be regulated, now we understand that our globe cannot support
this
Linking Words
 overcrowded situation,
this
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 is not sustainable growth. Food resources are becoming scarce and we are concentrating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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production in less developed countries, where we are exploiting the lands and workforces for mere
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 consumerism, where the consumption is concentrated, leaving almost nothing for the rest. There are overcrowded cities like India that can barely sustain the quantity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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population, many people live along the streets in poor sanitary conditions. Even though overpopulation is a great complication for humanity, I believe that overpopulation is the greatest problem for our planet. Unfortunately, the way we live is not only affecting us
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 our environment, the pollution that we create as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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 is a lot. We have created pollution just for the fact that we are breathing, but
also
Linking Words
 for the choices we made
while
Linking Words
 buying objects and food. Intensive farming, created to respond to growing market demand is polluting and exploiting a lot of resources. Unsustainable agriculture has put many poor people in
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
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 of starvation and it
also
Linking Words
 creates a lot of waste
of
Change preposition
from
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 important sources
such
Linking Words
 as water. If we cannot stop overpopulation, we should at least
trying
Wrong verb form
try
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 to make better choices and improve our habits, to live as much as possible in harmony with our planet.
Submitted by Fulvia on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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