IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#athletes #medals #olympics #governments #money #programmes #minutes
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While some people believe that the authorities ought to allocate their funds to encourage society to adopt a healthy lifestyle, others in favour of spending the fund on a few numbers of athletes to win prizes at the Olympics. In my opinion, I am an ardent supporter of spending money on the public to maximize the number of beneficiaries. On the one hand, I totally disagree with the idea of giving a considerable amount of money to athletes.
This
 is because the financial benefits to society are lower than the expected.
For instance
, football clubs are paying high wages to their players to represent them in different world competitions, which is not financially worthwhile for the community.
On the other hand
, if the government gave
this
 funding to elevate the public awareness of a healthy lifestyle, the number of sick people will be decreased dramatically. The main reason is that people, who adopt a balanced dietary system may improve their body metabolism.
For instance
, I read an article on the BBC website stated that more than 70% of people, who are eating junk food, they tend to be suffering from health-related issues,
such
 as cardiovascular diseases.
Moreover
, encouraging people to exercise, sports on a daily basis leads to energizing blood circulation.
As a result
, people will be alerted and active, which could have made them more productive at their work. In conclusion, I hold the notion that governments should give more funds to the public in order to decrease the diseases among them and keep them active.
In addition
, the capital spends on athletes may only increase their wealth without any benefit to society.
Submitted by ebrahemsaber2004 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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