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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #internet #communities
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It is often considered by some that the
internet
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 has promoted unity amongst the populace,
while
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 others insist it has increased separation in communities and amongst
people
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 at large. In my opinion,I believe the
world
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need
Change the verb form
needs
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 the
internet
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 to achieve better
communication
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 as it gives the public a chance of
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 rate of socialization. On the one hand, some believe that
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 plays a significant part in the unification of
people
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 by fostering a great level of
communication
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amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 them and I agree. One reason for
this
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 is that the
internet
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 has evolved to help attain the bond and closeness
people
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 need,to wade off barriers of not being in physical contact with the next person.
For example
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,utilizing
communication
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 apps
such
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 as
zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
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,WhatsApp call,face time,
Facebook
Correct word choice
and Facebook
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 have been found blissful in connecting with
people
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 all over the
world
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,
hence
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 promoting socialization.
Furthermore
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,the cyber
world
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 has eased the absenteeism gap immensely,where times past we would have to travel for occasions but nowadays events
such
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 as
,
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apply
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naming ceremonies,birthdays,weddings,
graduations
Correct word choice
and graduations
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,
hold
Wrong verb form
are held
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 on these platforms which gives a feeling of involvement and participation.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 say the
internet
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 is not the antidote to bring the
world
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 together as it leaves a strain by isolating citizens and their communities.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
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 spend so much time on these online platforms,which reduces interaction amongst individuals and their communities.
For instance
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,in the
world
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 at large,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
people
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 find solace in buying goods online,which almost eradicates opportunities for those selling in physical stores to make good sales. These
people
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also
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 attest that the
internet
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 has
birth
Wrong verb form
birthed
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wide
Correct article usage
a wide
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 gap of closeness
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 families.The youths nowadays will rather share their secrets and struggles with
people
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 online
,
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apply
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than meet
people
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 in their immediate environment for advice. In conclusion,
while
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people
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 may vary in their opinion, I believe the
internet
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 is important to help encourage better
communication
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 amongst humans and improve the likelihood of effective socialization in the
world
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 at large.
Submitted by Chisom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points and show a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear opinion. Support your ideas with relevant and specific examples.
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