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Band 4

Some people think that nowadays children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
At present all communication and technology increase
rapidly
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rapidly, therefore
therefore
youth
 can do their home tasks by the computer or other one
as a result
 their spare
time
 much
then
 past
.
Accept space
.
To my mind for children have
many
Suggestion
much
 free
time
 because they only do their
homeworks
Suggestion
homework
,
Accept space
,
 eat something when they are hungry
,
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,
 sleep when
then
 are tired and play some
vidio
the visible part of a television transmission
video
 games when they are bored. But in the past people do not have washing machines or robots to help some hard work to do people's
time
 more
afficient
being effective without wasting time or effort or expense
efficient
.
Accept space
.
Moreover
,
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,
parents should
controll
power to direct or determine
control
 the
youth
's
time
 and to help them to do some problems when
then
 need parent's one.
However
, many
youth
try
Suggestion
tries
 to take different tutorial lessons to get the best knowledge and want to be
professional person
Suggestion
a professional person
 in their job
,
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,
however
 at least 70 % children choose to sit at home and play different online games during their free
time
 or chatting online with their friends
.
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.
But many parents
wont
feel or have a desire for; want strongly
want
went
wants
 to see their children as a
best
Suggestion
good
better
peson
a human being
person
 in the future and
giva
cause to have, in the abstract sense or physical sense
give
gives
 them various online or practical lessons
.
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.
 Our world developing day by day and communication too
therefore
 our government
wont
Suggestion
wants
want
wanted
 to pay attention children's future life as they are our future
developers
Suggestion
development
 and our life belong
for
Suggestion
to
in
 them
.
Accept space
.
Therefore our
Accept comma addition
Therefore, our
 president
try
Suggestion
tries
 to give more
chanse
a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances
chance
chances
 for
youth
 and in 2007 year he did all institution exams easier as much as possible.
Nowadays in
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Nowadays, in
 our
cuntry
a politically organized body of people under a single government
country
county
century
openes
cause to open or to become open
opens
opened
 many
and differen universities
Suggestion
different universities and
and different universities
and differing universities
 which are cooperation foreign universities
.
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.
 They are very popular and they have very important faculties to improve our country and
produse
bring forth or yield
produce
produces
produced
 very intelligent
people which
Accept comma addition
people, which
 are
help to government
Suggestion
helping government
helping to government
 to increase
it's
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 industry and other sections. To conclude,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
wont
feel or have a desire for; want strongly
want
wanted
went
 to say that children do not have free
time
 to spend their
time
to
Suggestion
for
on
 the latest things or different crimes, as we have enough
chanse
a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances
chance
chances
 to be
better person
Suggestion
a better person
better people
the better person
 without crime
furthermore
 children do not
wont
feel or have a desire for; want strongly
want
to spent
Suggestion
to spend
theirn
of them or themselves
their
 free
time
 because all
youth
want
Suggestion
wants
 to be
enroll various
Suggestion
enrolled in various
enrolled various
 universities while they too hurry to enter
this
 kind of universities.
Submitted by Aziza on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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