IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, car and other items. Why is this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #brands #clothes #car #items #trend #development
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Nowadays, a large number of
people
 prefer to spend their
money
 on famous brands of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
, mobile phones, clothes, jewellery and other items. We all know, that if a person wants to be cool and
fashion
Replace the word
fashionable
show examples
, he or she needs to buy
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 products. In
this
 essay, I will explain
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
this
 trend and my own point of view. First and foremost,
this
 trend is present, especially in young
people
. They want to have the latest clothes or accessories in their closet.
This
 happens because young
people
 want to be accepted by their friends. I really believe that
this
 behaviour
to spend
Change preposition
of spending
show examples
 so much
money
 is a very negative development. I think that everyone can spend their own
money
 on what they want, but
on the other hand
, I think, is unbelievable that
people
 buy
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 stuff only to be part of a group.
Secondly
, girls and boys follow their favourite famous
idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
show examples
 and they pursue them in whatever they wear or buy or do.
This
 is a good thing, that famous
people
 inspire other
people
 in order to follow what they buy, but they can
also
 influence normal
people
 in a bad way.
For example
, to spend too much
money
 buying famous stuff
such
 shoes, T-shirts, dresses or technologies. In my own experience, I believe that every single person is free to buy what they want.
However
, I think
that is
 sad when
people
 buy things only because they want to be accepted
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their friends.
To conclude
, I think
people
 who want to spend
money
 on famous brands is a negative development.
Submitted by Alexia on

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argumentation
Try to present more concrete examples to support your arguments.
grammar
Check grammar and sentence structure. For example, 'why this trend' should be 'why this trend is happening' or 'why this trend exists'.
style
Try to vary your sentence structure to make your writing more sophisticated.
punctuation
Be careful with punctuation. Avoid too many commas in one sentence and remember to put spaces after them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumerism
  • Brand loyalty
  • Investment
  • Aspiration
  • Trendsetter
  • Affluent
  • Mimicry
  • Conformity
  • Identity
  • Self-esteem
  • Status
  • Perception
  • Advertise
  • Promote
  • Influence
  • Peer pressure
  • Societal expectations
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