IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #time #sports #lessons #schools
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days young people aren’t physically very active. They often stay at home, play computer games or are on social media because nowadays all children have a laptop, tablet or cell phone and unfortunately
this
Linking Words
 has made them lazy and inactive. In my opinion, they should exercise at least at school and do sports lessons to make up for their inactivity. In
this
Linking Words
 essay I will explain why. I think the main reason why young people are less active is their parents, because they don’t allow their children to play outside because of less social security than in the past.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite the new electronic devices, families are entertaining children at home so that they do not go out.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 because it harms the health of children and when they get older, they may suffer from illness and unfit.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents should at least pay attention to their children’s sport lessons at school and encourage them to exercise. To sum up, we know children who do sports will be fitter and healthier, so exercise should be very important in school, and a lot of time should be spent to have an athletic and healthy youth in the future.
Submitted by armaqan shahzari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: