IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In most countries the majority of crimes are committed by young men under the age of 30. Why is this so, and what can be done to reduce the problem?

#countries #majority #crimes #men #age
These days, almost all the criminal activities are carried out by youths, mostly underneath the age of thirty and there are several factors responsible for these acts.
This
 essay will list and explain some of the reasons and
also
 provide possible solutions to drop the rate of
such
 crimes in the world.
Firstly
, the unemployment and poverty situation of the country is on the high side nowadays. Very intelligent men who have gone through school and have
also
 acquired their degree can't find any good paid job after graduating. They go about the city with their CV's and letter of employment in search of a legal work with no positive outcome. Some of them become depressed, angry and resolve into stealing to meet ends need.
Secondly
, family upbringing is a factor here too. Individuals who had a rough childhood and teenage years tend to lose direction in life.
For example
, a child whose parents has been never really there during the growing years would tilt more towards friends and if at the end
such
 falls into the hands of bad company or gang who do drugs, cyber crimes and the likes, he automatically begins to copy their evil ways. The possible solutions to these problems is reversing the problem itself.
Therefore
, government should create job opportunities for youths and ensuring that the elderly in service gives way for the younger generation.
Next
, schools should focus more on training individuals how to be self employed and how to live as an entrepreneur during school years.
Also
 the law should ensure that the right measures are put in place to punish anyone who perpetrates
such
 unlawful acts so other youths can learn from that.
Submitted by Nguyiman Ruth Philip on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: