IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

With growing number of populations in cities. Many people are living in small homes that don't have outdoor spaces. Is this is a positive or negative development?

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In modern life, because of the increasing population in the
center
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centre
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 city,
people
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 tend to live in some
houses
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 with a lack of outdoor spaces.
This
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 writer believes that
this
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 statement has a negative effect because it can cause health
problems
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 and the movement becomes inconvenient. First and foremost,
people
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 live in small
houses
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 without trees or outdoor spaces, the atmosphere will become suffocating because of many emissions by vehicles and industry companies.
In other words
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, if there are no trees in
people
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's
houses
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, it will not prevent the emissions pervade in their
houses
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.
Then
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,
people
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 will breathe all of the bad nutrients in the atmosphere and get some respiratory
problems
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 .
For example
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, if
people
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 live in small
houses
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 located on the route street, they will not enjoy the fresh atmosphere
as well as
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 the peaceful space to study or work, so they will have some health
problems
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such
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 as sinusitis and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
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pulmonary tuberculosis.
In addition
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, if a number of
people
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 live in the cities, it will create a phenomenon called overpopulation.
People
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 who live in these areas will meet some
problems
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 with the movement
as well as
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 the convenience of accommodation.
Due to
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 the population density
is
Wrong verb form
being
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 crowded,
people
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 will face some difficulty finding accommodation in the centre city, so they must be able to stay in some small
houses
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 with a lack of outdoor yards.
For instance
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, the trend of buying an apartment in Ho Chi Minh cities because of the lack of land to build many
houses
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 like before. In conclusion, living in small
houses
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 will bring many bad effects for health's
people
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 .
As a result
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, they should choose the accommodation carefully in order to
convenient
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be convenient
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as well as
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 bring many benefits for themself.

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relevant specific examples
Consider expanding on your examples to make them more specific and relevant. For instance, rather than saying 'they will have some health problems such as sinusitis and pulmonary tuberculosis,' you could provide data or studies that support this point.
logical structure
Work on enhancing sentence structure and eliminating minor grammatical errors to improve coherence. For example, 'the movement becomes inconvenient' can be rephrased to 'movement becomes inconvenient.'
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt directly and takes a clear stance that living in small homes without outdoor spaces is a negative development.
logical structure
You have clearly identified two main points: health problems and inconvenience due to lack of space, which makes the essay easy to follow and logically structured.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both present and serve to frame the essay effectively, providing a good overview and summary of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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