IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

With growing number of populations in cities. Many people are living in small homes that don't have outdoor spaces. Is this is a positive or negative development?

#populations #cities #people #homes #spaces #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern life, because of the increasing population in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 city,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to live in some
houses
Use synonyms
 with a lack of outdoor spaces.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that
this
Linking Words
 statement has a negative effect because it can cause health
problems
Use synonyms
 and the movement becomes inconvenient. First and foremost,
people
Use synonyms
 live in small
houses
Use synonyms
 without trees or outdoor spaces, the atmosphere will become suffocating because of many emissions by vehicles and industry companies.
In other words
Linking Words
, if there are no trees in
people
Use synonyms
's
houses
Use synonyms
, it will not prevent the emissions pervade in their
houses
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will breathe all of the bad nutrients in the atmosphere and get some respiratory
problems
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 live in small
houses
Use synonyms
 located on the route street, they will not enjoy the fresh atmosphere
as well as
Linking Words
 the peaceful space to study or work, so they will have some health
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as sinusitis and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
pulmonary tuberculosis.
In addition
Linking Words
, if a number of
people
Use synonyms
 live in the cities, it will create a phenomenon called overpopulation.
People
Use synonyms
 who live in these areas will meet some
problems
Use synonyms
 with the movement
as well as
Linking Words
 the convenience of accommodation.
Due to
Linking Words
 the population density
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 crowded,
people
Use synonyms
 will face some difficulty finding accommodation in the centre city, so they must be able to stay in some small
houses
Use synonyms
 with a lack of outdoor yards.
For instance
Linking Words
, the trend of buying an apartment in Ho Chi Minh cities because of the lack of land to build many
houses
Use synonyms
 like before. In conclusion, living in small
houses
Use synonyms
 will bring many bad effects for health's
people
Use synonyms
 .
As a result
Linking Words
, they should choose the accommodation carefully in order to
convenient
Add a missing verb
be convenient
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 bring many benefits for themself.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Consider expanding on your examples to make them more specific and relevant. For instance, rather than saying 'they will have some health problems such as sinusitis and pulmonary tuberculosis,' you could provide data or studies that support this point.
logical structure
Work on enhancing sentence structure and eliminating minor grammatical errors to improve coherence. For example, 'the movement becomes inconvenient' can be rephrased to 'movement becomes inconvenient.'
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt directly and takes a clear stance that living in small homes without outdoor spaces is a negative development.
logical structure
You have clearly identified two main points: health problems and inconvenience due to lack of space, which makes the essay easy to follow and logically structured.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both present and serve to frame the essay effectively, providing a good overview and summary of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: