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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree?

#societies #crimes #teenagers #people #age #adult #punishment
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The number of crimes committed by teenagers has increased all over the
world needless
Accept comma addition
world, needless
 to say the level of them.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 controversy has been a
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 of attention in
media
Suggestion
the media
 and the public have shown their
interests
Suggestion
interest
. Even though there are still societal responsibilities to prevent those crimes from happening in the
first
Linking Words
 place, I strongly believe the necessary amendment should be made with top priority for teens to receive adult punishments. It has been true schools and each parent have some level of responsibility and some improvement must be followed here and there. It is mainly because more than 70 percentage of teenage criminals have gone through violence and bullies and poverty either from schools or their houses growing up according to statistics.
Thus
Linking Words
, the opinion makes a sense of itself that many crimes would have not happened in the
first
Linking Words
 place if some needed actions and measures by those institutions and monitoring with care and love had been.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe it can’t wait until the crimes have decreased any
longer
Suggestion
length
 and time to turn it around. While more investment and societal cares and interests have been made toward teenagers with colour and who grow below
poverty line
Suggestion
the poverty line
, almost equal level of strong punishment must be given to a teenage criminal to minimize and prevent it from happening in the
first
Linking Words
 place with two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is known that they find strong punishment more fearful and can actually stop themselves because they already predict horrible consequences of what they will do.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it should be taken lightly most of
victims
Suggestion
the victims
 are teenagers and teenagers are old and have a long enough education experience to make
judgement
Suggestion
a judgement
judgements
 on their
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviours
behaviour
.
Submitted by ales on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
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