IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letter, describe the problem with the equipment explain how this problem is affecting your work say what you want the shop or company to do

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to you regarding the Dell laptop, worth $1500 that I purchased from you 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately, it is not working properly because its screen goes blank suddenly more than once
while
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 working for a few hours. I even showed my laptop to my techy friend but he did not get the solution for
this
Linking Words
 issue. I work from home because I work with Rogers as a call assistant to the customers.
However
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,
due to
Linking Words
 the constant trouble with my PC, I cannot deal with customers as my calls get disconnected generally on a regular basis.
This
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 is quite a serious issue that I face and my company thinks that I don’t have proper internet and they asked me to replace my connection. I would be obliged if your company could either get it repaired or replace the laptop for me. I have my bill of purchase with me and it is under warranty. I will be thankful to you for your help. I hope you understand my concern. Yours sincerely, Navneet Kaur.

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task achievement
To enhance the Task Achievement further, provide a bit more detail into how frequently the problem occurs and how much it affects your daily tasks. This will give a clearer picture to the reader.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence, try to add transitional phrases or connectors between the paragraphs. This will help the ideas flow more smoothly.
task achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task effectively and provided a clear description of the problem, its impact, and a proposed solution.
task achievement
Your writing tone is polite and professional, which is appropriate for this type of letter.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear structure with each paragraph focusing on a single idea, contributing to the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The opening and closing of the letter are appropriately formal and courteous.
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