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Band 5.5

In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full time work. Is this a good or a bad thing?

#countries #children #school #law #time #work
It is mandatory in
the
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some countries to complete the school before getting hired for a
full time
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full-time
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 job. In my view, I completely agree with
this
 statement
of
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about
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 not dropping out of
the
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school before the age of sixteen.
To begin
 with,
the
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education is globally considered
as
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a crucial basic need of a child for
an
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overall
 personality development. School is the platform which provides
the
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children
a
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with a
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basic education
along with
the
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studies focused on the
career building
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career-building
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 path.
For instance
,
basic
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a basic
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 level of mathematics gives them calculative and analytical skills, language develops their communication abilities, and computer teaches them how to use technology.
Moreover
,
this
 level of
studies
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study
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 is
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a pre-requisite
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pre-requisite
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prerequisite
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 to
pursue
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pursuing
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the
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professional degrees in order to become doctors, lawyers and engineers.
Hence
, the degree course gives them a path to a financially secure bright future by grabbing a good employment opportunity. Contrarily, the adolescents doing the
full time
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full-time
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 jobs can get exploited at the hands of their employer by getting paid less than minimum wages and deferring them from the incentives given to other workers. In some scenarios, they are given
job
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jobs
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 more than their capabilities which can give them
a
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huge mental stress and physical exhaustion. Meanwhile, they are losing their scope and period for getting a degree.
This
 can entirely spoil the future of a child and results in the wastage of their innate talent and creativity.
However
, some governments have made
the
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strict legislation against
the
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child labour
and
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thus
, protecting their human rights. To recapitulate, I opine that children should complete their basic level of education, and must be protected from doing
the
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a
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full time
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full-time
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 job before the age of sixteen.
Submitted by Man Kaur on

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task response
The essay responds well to the prompt, presenting a clear argument in favor of not allowing children under 16 to leave school for full-time work. However, be sure to address any potential counterarguments as well to provide a more balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally effective, with clear progression between paragraphs and cohesive use of linking words and phrases. Work on ensuring that each paragraph follows logically from the previous one for even stronger coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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