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Band 5.5

Governments should spend more money on medical research and less on researching the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #research #environment
More fund is invested
into
Suggestion
in
 research in terms of
medicine
,
however
, the opposite is spent on environmental research. I am not in agreement with
this
 path, because new incurable diseases and climate changes can destroy the economy of those countries who subsidize only
medicine
. It is obvious that, most of countries invest researchers in
medical field
Suggestion
the medical field
 to find the measures of dangerous
illneses
impairment of normal physiological function affecting part or all of an organism
illness
.
However
,
this
 can be negative development, because almost all of the diseases spread due to negligence towards nature globally.
For instance
, people can be infected by respiratory viruses when they are inhaling the air in toxic areas.
As a result
, they can infect other people,
then
government
Suggestion
the government
 could not cease the spread of diseases. In Japan equal quantity of
fund
Suggestion
the fund
funds
 is given to protect
environment
Suggestion
the environment
 and develop the
medicine
. By doing
so they
Accept comma addition
so, they
 have achieved to avoid
such
 problem. On top of the
abovementioned
, if money is not directed into looking after the nature, it is highly likely to emerge garbage hills. As an outcome there might be noxious elements that would bring impacts on climate.
For example
, if these dangerous substances transform into the shape of
fluid
Suggestion
the fluid
 it could harm water and its bodies living there. I think, it would be sensible to dispose those rubbish and make eco-friendly zones to make more oxygen
.
Accept space
.
 The China based survey conducted by experts from Europe and Asia
shown
Suggestion
has shown
is shown
showed
 that after taking care of
enviromental
of or relating to the external conditions or surroundings
environmental
 settings, the level of detrimental gases
have dropped
Suggestion
has dropped
until
Suggestion
by
to
 28% in 2012. To conclude,
while most of people
Suggestion
while most people
 arguing on
funding whether
Accept comma addition
funding, whether
medicine
 or
environment
Suggestion
the environment
, I am convinced to protect the nature. By doing so we can ease the work of people who are working in the field of
medicine
.
Submitted by Jakhongir on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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