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Band 5

Some people say that working in different job roles should get different amount of holiday time. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples from your own experience.

#people #job #roles #amount #holiday #time
It is often said that workers in separate
positions
 should receive different amounts of
holiday
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
. I completely agree with
this
 notion. The upcoming paragraphs justify my stand with relevant arguments and suitable examples. The initial argument in justification of my belief is that employees who contribute to the growth of the organization should be given utmost priority with regard to holidays.
This
 is because they are mainly responsible
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 taking the business to a new
level
.
In addition
, it gives an encouragement to
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
work with more efficiency since they are provided with extra benefits.
Also
, showing a variation in the
amount
 of holidays gives them a proud feeling that they were being acknowledged for their efforts. To demonstrate, it has been seen that
provision
Correct article usage
the provision
show examples
 of distinct
holiday
times
 for different
positions
 has made the workers who are contributing to the success of the company
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work in a more efficient way and contribute to its development.
Thus
, providing separate leave
times
 for skilled persons results in the development of
enterprise
Correct article usage
the enterprise
show examples
. Another argument in approval of my belief is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
a variation in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
holiday
times
 in various
positions
 motivates the staff members in
low
Add an article
the low
a low
show examples
 cadre.
This
 is because if the same number of leaves are given to all
positions
 of the firm, there may not be any improvement in the performance of
lower
Add a hyphen
lower-level
show examples
level
 workers since they were treated equally with the senior
positions
.
Moreover
, it may be more challenging for the company to get any work done
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from them.
Therefore
, separate
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of
holiday
times
 give rise to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy competition between employees
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 lower
level
 and higher
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
, providing them a chance to improve. To illustrate, a change in
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
holiday
times
 in various parts of the world has made staff on low cadre
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
transformed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 higher cadre.
Thus
, it helps in the promotion of the employee to a higher
level
 over a period of time. To reiterate my opinion, providing different
amount
 of
holiday
times
 not only enable
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skilled persons to perform more efficiently but
also
 helps
low
Add a hyphen
low-level
show examples
level
 employees to get promoted.
Submitted by rajesh kumar on

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task response
Ensure that all examples and arguments are relevant to the question prompt. Provide more specific and credible examples to support the points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, work on maintaining better flow between the main points in each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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