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Writing Samples
Band 4

A lot of people today move to other countries for their work. This has advantages and disadvantages for the children of such people. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion

#people #move #countries #work #children
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It has been observed from
Linking Words
last few years
Suggestion
the last few years
 that many people
are migrated
Suggestion
migrate
 from
there
of them or themselves
their
 own
country
Use synonyms
 to another
country
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 in terms of development and better lifestyle for their children’s.
it
Suggestion
It
 is beneficial for the children’s for getting
better
Suggestion
a better education
education
Use synonyms
 with practical developmental techniques,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 they miss their
Use synonyms
home land
the country where you were born
homeland
 and their ancestral families. Everything is depending on the peoples who are moving from developing nations to developed ones. Developed countries have better facilities like
education
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, Health, infrastructure etc. Providing better future to the children’s one should move to other countries for
work
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 and good lifestyle knowing what is not suited to them in their
home
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country
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. One of my friends moved to England with his family from India because of
healthy lifestyle
Suggestion
a healthy lifestyle
 and better
education
Use synonyms
 for their children’s because most of the world’s best universities are mostly in England, which is not supposed to be there in India. If ones can get an opportunity for working in other
countries it
Accept comma addition
countries, it
 will be better and best for the children to learn new experiences and
cultural
Suggestion
cultures
culture
 of the
country
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. Most of the world best universities are situated there. Shifting to other countries, leaving everything in their
home
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country
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 like their own house, friends and families with
this
Linking Words
 situation sometimes children
becomes
Suggestion
become
home
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 sick and
moreover
Linking Words
 children’s face linguistic barriers which
is
Suggestion
are
 inevitable to face with different cultures of the
country
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. Previous year, one of my family members went to Germany for the
work
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 for the betterment of their children’s
future but
Accept comma addition
future, but
 unfortunately, they face many challenges in terms of society engagements and the cost of living is very expensive. One should move to another
country
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 shall
closely
Suggestion
close
 look into the depth of the other countries. People moving to other countries for their
work
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, Only for better life and development of their children with better facilities. Which
is depend
Suggestion
depends
 upon
country
Use synonyms
 to
country
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 by knowing all the facts and difficulties. One should move to other countries for
work
Use synonyms
, which is beneficial for their children in terms of
education
Use synonyms
 and future prospects.
Submitted by Lovish Bahree on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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