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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness but some people believe that there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors #influence
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Some people are of the opinion that each person is answerable to their happiness.
On the contrary
, others believe that an individual is affected by various other elements. I would like to account for both sides with my own perception.
First
 and foremost, the delectation of human beings is determined by their actions they take in various stages of their
life
.
This
 is because; the people are mature enough and spend a lot of time in making a decision on any particular issue they face in day to day
life
.
Moreover
, since it was their step towards a specific problem, they cannot blame anyone even if the outcome doesn’t come as expected. To demonstrate, it has been seen in various parts of the world that the extent of sorrowfulness and wellness of mind in an individual’s
life
 is largely influenced by their moves.
Thus
, humans are responsible for their own contentment.
By contrast
, others have conflicting ideas think that there are other factors that influence their happiness. The reason for
this
 is individuals are affected by a plethora of situations
besides
 their actions which may make them unhappy. These include physiological problems not only, due to various conflicts at their workplace but
also
 due to issues from other members of the family and so on. To illustrate, it has been seen in the majority of the cases that the cheerfulness of a person is dependant on various elements
such
 as financial hurdles, problems in the profession, socioeconomic differences among different sectors of the public etc.
Thus
, the amount of exhilaration depends on numerous circumstances and aspects
besides
 their deeds. In my notion, individuals should be answerable to anything that happens in their
life even
Accept comma addition
life, even
 if something goes wrong since it makes them to face difficult conditions which will
further
 help them in moving a right orientation.
Submitted by rajesh kumar on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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