Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Alongside the development of technology, computer
systems
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have become vital for multiple sectors
such
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as communications, medicine and transport. In my opinion, every dependence comes attached to a proportional amount of vulnerability, and
this
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one
in particular
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is extremely dangerous because there are multiple reasons that might lead these
systems
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to failure and the consequences can be terrifying. First of all, since all computer
systems
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rely on a chain of physical machinery, any damage caused to any of these or lack of supply could lead to a massive disruption.
For instance
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, if a database server used by a hospital is in the area of a climate event and has its power supply cut off, the health staff might not be able to access it in order to care for patients
in
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to
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the standards that they were supposed to.
As a result
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, multiple people could be harmed and eventually even die. On top of that, most of the
systems
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are connected through the internet which might leave data exposed to cyber attacks and leaks. In a world where cybercrime is hard to trace and punish, these situations have become frequent and endanger individual privacy. With simple information just as full name, address, telephone and identification number, criminals could have access to loans
while
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pretending to be someone else,
for example
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. If
this
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is stolen from a communication company database with thousands of customers, the number of victims could be massive. In conclusion, I believe that the strong dependence that
communicating
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communication
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, medicine and transportation industries have on computer
systems
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is a massive danger since it could potentially harm users. In order to prevent that, it is necessary to invest in cyber security and backup
systems
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in case the first one fails.
Submitted by lurh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and a logical progression of ideas to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Consider providing more varied examples to fully illustrate different aspects of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's position, which is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples and explanations to support the main points, enhancing task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reinforces the overall opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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