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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries traditional foods being replaced by international fast food. Some people think this is harmful for both families and societies. To what extent agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In some countries, individuals are concerned about traditional foods increasingly being displaced by fast
food
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. I largely agree that
this
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 may cause some negative consequences for both families and society.
Body paragraph 1
Replacing traditional home-cooked
meals
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 with fast
food
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 may increase the likelihood of unhealthy eating habits in families. Children may develop poor dietary habits from their parents. If fast
food
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 becomes the preferred option,
kids
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 may get used to consuming ultra-processed
food
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instead
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 of home-cooked traditional
meals
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.
For example
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, parents who regularly buy fried, sugary
food
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instead
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 of preparing a home traditional meal, are accustoming their
kids
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 to a less healthy diet.
As a result
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,
kids
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 with an unbalanced diet are likely to gain weight faster, which may lead to obesity.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, another problem is the loss of
food
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culture
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. In each country, traditional foods play an important role in maintaining its
culture
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. Because of
this
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, people often bound their family meetings with preparing traditional
meals
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.
For instance
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, at the Christmas dinner, there is likely to be a turkey , one of the average traditional dishes, rather than fast
food
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. Generally, cooking and eating together
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 family members talk and spend time together. Without keeping cooking traditional cuisines, there is a danger for future generations who may never know about the uniqueness of the country’s
food
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culture
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.
Body paragraph 3
Consequently
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, to preserve the original cooking methods and flavours, relatives can pass down the old recipes to their younger relatives.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I agree to a great extent that replacing traditional
meals
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 with international foods have impact on both families and society.
Kids
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 may possibly struggle with obesity and have poor nutrition habits. Society may lose part of its
food
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culture
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.

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task response
Your view is clear: you mostly agree. To make it stronger, say more clearly how fast food can harm society, not only family life. For example, explain that food shops, farmers, and local food work may be lost when people buy the same world food.
task response
Develop each main point a little more. The health point is clear, but the link from fast food to weight gain could include poor food value, large meals, and less fresh food. The culture point could also show how old skills and family stories may be lost.
task response
Your examples fit the ideas. Make them more exact and natural. Instead of saying “one of the average traditional dishes,” say “a common traditional dish.” Use one clear country or family event if you can.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: start, two main parts, and an end. However, the short paragraph about passing down recipes feels separate from the main argument. Put this idea inside the culture paragraph, or make it part of the final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “However” starts the second body part, but this is not an opposite idea; it is another reason to agree. Try “Another harm is the loss of food culture” or “In addition.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the main idea. You use “traditional foods,” “home-cooked meals,” “traditional meals,” and “traditional cuisines.” These are close, but not always the same. Choose one main term and use it often.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need cleaner grammar so the ideas are easy to follow. For example, write “people often build family meetings around preparing traditional meals” and “replacing traditional meals with international fast food has an impact.”
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear view from the first paragraph to the last.
task response
The two main ideas are useful and on-topic: health in families and the loss of food culture in society.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, and the examples support that idea.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph brings the main points together and repeats your position clearly.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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