Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, social
media
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is increasingly popular among
people
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. Though it keeps you in contact with different
people
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and gives you the latest updates it makes your personal information prone to more risks and threats. In my opinion,
demerits
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the demerits
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of
such
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technology will have detrimental effects and overpower the merit of the same. One of the greatest benefits of social
media
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is that it has brought the whole world closer. It has made the world compact in terms that we can talk to any person at any time and can view their activities as well just through an application.
Further
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, we get easy access to the events happening around the globe and can be a part of it.
For instance
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, a person sharing a live video of
the
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a
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music concert in America can be witnessed by all members of the friend list.
Overall
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,
such
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automation allows
understanding
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for understanding
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different cultures and adopting new things.
On the contrary
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,
such
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technology has disadvantages as well in terms of risking the privacy of the
people
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. At present,
the
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apply
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crimes are rising at an alarming rate, especially
the
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apply
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cyber crime
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cybercrime
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. It is quite difficult to distinguish between the genuine profiles and the fake ones. The hackers hack the account and may misuse the data shared on social
media
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.
People
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are habitual
of
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in
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sharing their recent activities on social
media
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.
Such
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information works as a golden opportunity for robbers. In total, the disadvantages of
such
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technology may have a broader reach to
people
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. In conclusion, the increasing use of social
media
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is affecting the lives of the
people
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. Despite it
provides
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providing
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the scope of reducing the cultural disparities, it may lead you to fall
in
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into
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major troubles as well.
Therefore
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, I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, keeping the safety of
people
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in mind.
Submitted by Jasleen on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt adequately by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. However, there could be a clearer stance taken on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Transition words could be used more effectively to improve overall coherence and cohesion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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