Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, social
media
is increasingly popular among
people
. Though it keeps you in contact with different
people
and gives you the latest updates it makes your personal information prone to more risks and threats. In my opinion,
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
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of
such
technology will have detrimental effects and overpower the merit of the same. One of the greatest benefits of social
media
is that it has brought the whole world closer. It has made the world compact in terms that we can talk to any person at any time and can view their activities as well just through an application.
Further
, we get easy access to the events happening around the globe and can be a part of it.
For instance
, a person sharing a live video of
the
Correct article usage
a
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music concert in America can be witnessed by all members of the friend list.
Overall
,
such
automation allows
understanding
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for understanding
show examples
different cultures and adopting new things.
On the contrary
,
such
technology has disadvantages as well in terms of risking the privacy of the
people
. At present,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes are rising at an alarming rate, especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cyber crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
. It is quite difficult to distinguish between the genuine profiles and the fake ones. The hackers hack the account and may misuse the data shared on social
media
.
People
are habitual
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sharing their recent activities on social
media
.
Such
information works as a golden opportunity for robbers. In total, the disadvantages of
such
technology may have a broader reach to
people
. In conclusion, the increasing use of social
media
is affecting the lives of the
people
. Despite it
provides
Wrong verb form
providing
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the scope of reducing the cultural disparities, it may lead you to fall
in
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into
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major troubles as well.
Therefore
, I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, keeping the safety of
people
in mind.
Submitted by Jasleen on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt adequately by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. However, there could be a clearer stance taken on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Transition words could be used more effectively to improve overall coherence and cohesion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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