The time people devote in job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause?

#time #people #job #life #shortage

People spending more

time

at work than their personal life has become more and more popular over the world.

Therefore

this

has led to various problems

such

as physical damage and mental health. In

this

essay, I shall discuss these problems and explore a possible solution. The problem of shortage of personal

time

is mainly caused by ambitious for earning money. In a result, people have suffered serious physical problems.

For example

, young people hamper to enjoy life for exercise, eating, sleeping and dating.

This

is leading to an instance problem

such

as diabetes, high blood pressure. It's about the

time

this

issue of goal achievement is addressed by people who want to get want promotion in jobs by their boss and the more they focus in a job the more stress they feel.

This

pressure effect on peoples' mental health

such

as anxiety, agitation, agony. As a solution to

this

, learning how to work efficiency is better than using more

time

at work. It is very important that along with managing the

time

and balance it. In conclusion,

such

conscious and collective steps can help people effectively spending

time

for a personal life and at the same

time

cut the problems of physical damage and mental problem.

Submitted by navi rox on Sun Jun 21 2020

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

209 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The time people devote in job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal ,oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

The rise of social media platforms has made it easier for people to vent their frustrations and complaints publicly. What is the consequence of this trend? Is there any benefit to expressing complaints on social media?

Universities should take the same number of men and women in each major. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?