IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people think having enough money brings happiness but others think too much money can bring problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #happiness
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There is no double that wealth plays an indispensable role in
this
 materialistic world.
Although
 some people believe that having an adequate amount of
money
 is a significant contribution to happiness, others think having an excessive amount of
money
 leads to several problems.
Therefore
, I would discuss both of these views before reaching a reasonable conclusion.
To begin
 with, one vital advantage is that having a sufficient quantity of
money
 satisfies the material demands of numerous people. On account of having enough
money
, not only paying the essential bills
such
 as water and electricity bills, or internet bills, but they
also
 prepare for their future
,
Accept space
,
 which exposes them to a higher living standard.
Moreover
, it is easy for them to have a luxurious villa with their architectural styles or send their children to prestigious universities, regardless of being under enormous financial pressure. Another plus of that view is that having healthy finance would enhance their spiritual
life
.
For instance
, after hard-working days, they can recharge batteries by taking their family to the cinema and eating at luxurious restaurants.
Additionally
, they would have an ideal opportunity to admire the famous art exhibition, or take part in the marvellous high fashion week festival. Henceforth, their
life
 would be more appropriate and contented.
However
, in the modernistic world, having an excessive amount of
money
 would bring some problems. It is an undeniable truth that worried about the safety of valuable property is synonymous with everybody and millionaires
in particular
. A typical example is that most of the target of robberies, theft, and other crimes commonly focus on people possessing great assets, which destroys the peace in their
life
.
Accept space
.
Therefore
, with serious issues, they would be deprived of their time for relaxation, and don't have sufficient time to care for their offspring.
As a result
, their children would grow up without enough care and attention from their parents, which lead them to some inappropriate behaviours. In conclusion,
although
money
 plays an essential role in daily
life
, from my perspective, possess a great wealth is challenging with a peaceful
life
.
Submitted by Minguk on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • universally
  • cultural differences
  • psychological factors
  • satisfaction with life
  • emotional balance
  • personal achievements
  • social connections
  • fulfilling relationships
  • sense of belonging
  • sense of purpose
  • physical health
  • well-being
  • financial stability
  • mindfulness
  • gratitude
  • positive thinking
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