IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

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It was a popular opinion that the end goal of succesful person is determined through the ability to own a house. Obtaining a self-living place could
also
Linking Words
 demonstrate someone's financial strength, yet generally remains as the caveat of the trustworthiness indicator, especially when financial institutions asking a collateral as an exchange for extending additional liquidity. When others come to ask for financing facilities without any property owned, the bank supposedly will put more trust in people with real asset guarantees. Arriving at
this
Linking Words
 context, we can see that having a right to our personal home could give us leverage on our financial capability. We might need to spend lots of money at
first,
Linking Words
but
this
Linking Words
 would be a door opener for our future needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, when we need more cash flow to grow our business, we can get a loan from the lenders with cheaper interest rates because they are protected by an asset, which is our home. All in all, I put my two cents to fill my savings tank and get my house rather than committing to the landlord for my entire life.
Thus
Linking Words
, I can get trusted by the capital owners to be eligible for extra cash whenever the productive necessities arrive
while
Linking Words
 staying peacefully in my place. That said, I can double my productivity, either by widening my skills through an education loan or getting paid for my hobbies. With
this
Linking Words
 consideration, the lenders are reassured with my property, and keep my family convenient at the same time.

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task response
Score: 5. You answer both questions, but your ideas are too narrow. Most of the essay is about loans and banks. Add other reasons, such as safety, family life, freedom to change the home, and not paying rent for many years.
task response
Make your opinion more direct. Say clearly that this is mainly a positive situation, then also show one possible bad side, such as high house prices or too much debt.
task response
Your example is useful, but it needs more detail. Explain how a family may use a home loan to start or grow a small business, and why this matters.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The first paragraph is hard to follow. Start with a simple main idea, then explain it. Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction; reasons people want to own homes; why it is positive or negative; conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some links do not fit well. For example, “Arriving at this context” and “That said” are not clear here. Use simple links: “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “However”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. Paragraph 2 can be about money and loans. Paragraph 3 can be about your opinion, with one good point and one bad point.
task response
You give a clear main reason: a home can help people get a loan. You also give your view that owning a home is good.
task response
The business loan example is related to your main point and helps explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, a body paragraph, and an ending. The reader can follow the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For instance”, “All in all”, and “Thus”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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