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Band 4.5

Many people think that people cannot help everyone so they should be concerned about their community and country . Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #community #country
Today more
Accept comma addition
Today, more
 than 7
bln of people are
Suggestion
billion people are
billion of people are
 currently living on
planet
Suggestion
the planet
. In
this
 order some people believe that it is impossible to supply
needs
Suggestion
the needs
 of everyone, that's why it is better to sustain
necessities
Suggestion
the necessities
 of local community or people that you surround.
However
, prosperity of
indivudual
Suggestion
the individual
individual
individuals
 is
inseperable
not capable of being separated
inseparable
 of
society
Suggestion
society's
 wealth,
thus
 avoiding of poverty and famine of all
groups despite
Accept comma addition
groups, despite
 their nationality and location should be our common goal. In general a significant proportion of
population
Suggestion
the population
 is suffering from absence of basic
nessesities
the condition of being essential or indispensable
necessities
. Millions of people are starving and located in conflicts zones, some of them live in a less than 1 dollar per day,
whreas
on the other hand
whereas
 they could use their skills and qualifications to improve quality of life.
For instance
, experience of humanitarian organizations
show
Suggestion
shows
 that financial and social support of
underthreated
make too low an estimate of
underrated
sociums
, could boost economical growth
drammatically
in a very impressive manner
dramatically
.
Secondly
,
besides
 economical prosperity, the neglecting of problems minorities is
undoubetly
without doubt; certainly
undoubtedly
 unfair and promote
rise
Suggestion
the rise
 of overall inequality in
world
Suggestion
the world
. Another hand it is clear it is
extremly
to a high degree or extent; favorably or with much respect
extremely
 difficult to satisfy the needs of all
population
Suggestion
populations
. Low level of life in some regions is caused by conflicts and geographical features, in
this
 context international organizations do not have restrictions to establish constant support.
Moreover
, charitable organizations are highly affected by funding and lack of finances decrease opportunities of those.
Finally
, international authorities like
UN
Suggestion
the UN
 should implement several ways of protecting
underthreatened
Suggestion
under threatened
 groups
.
Accept space
.
Besides
this
measures
Suggestion
measure
, the
acess
the right to enter
access
 to basic needs should be provided to all categories and minorities
,
Accept space
,
 to sustain wealthy and prosperity life to every living creature.
Submitted by A on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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