IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
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More and more
people
 think that some careers like engineers and doctors should
work
 in the city where they did their
Studying
Wrong verb form
Studies
show examples
 or training.
However
, Others say that they should to employed in any
place
. It is dependent on the person himself. on the one hand,
people
 believed that jobs should be in the same
place
 as training it’s . In fact, employees who
work
 in the same company where they received training , have a better chance than others.
In addition
, they have a lot of information about
this
 institution when they did training . A Study published by New York University concluded that 70% of workers who train and
work
 in the same corporation are creatine in their field of
work
.
Therefore
,
This
 person can adapt quickly to other employees and administrators.
on the other hand
,
people
 who think the permanent workplace must be chosen by the employee himself.
Furthermore
, they will feel more comfortable because they selected a good
place
 according to particular standards
such
 as good offers, excellent Salaries and being close to their homes.
Additionally
, with the passing of the days, they will make good relationships with staff.
For example
, my sister worked in a famous company in our country,she is very happy because her dream was to
work
 in
this
 company.
As a result
,
This
 type of employee
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 excitement and a high capacity to
work
. population divide into two parts. The first part is
people
 who believe that The occupation should be in the same training
place
. The second part
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is
people
 who approved that the workplace must be selected by workers. In my opinion, workplaces have to be chosen by employees because. always the person will give all his time , power and passion for the appropriate
place
.
Submitted by mithaa1223 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the essay's purpose and outlining the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow and connections between paragraphs. Use more linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and aim for more varied sentence structures.
task achievement
Develop main points with more depth and provide additional supporting evidence.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate points, which will strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay adequately addresses both views of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples were included to support arguments, such as the study from New York University and the anecdote about your sister.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, which is important for structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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