IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Success is only a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions are mixed regarding whether luck is the primary determinant of
success
Use synonyms
 in achieving targets. I am firmly of the belief that
success
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 requires beyond luck. On the one hand, there are some other factors which can be attributed to the attainment of one’s goals. First of all, I advocate the notion that the role of being determined is more significant than fortune. Once one actually realises the necessity to force
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
oneself
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 into doing
such
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 things, they have already gained
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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persistence and passion, which,
moreover
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, leads to
their
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apply
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diligence and industrious attitudes towards their targets.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some other elements, namely appearance, social relationships and money can
also
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 be considered as the keys to
success
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. We are now living in a fast-paced world where first impressions always have an indispensable role to play, especially for those who are in their thirties and above, since these would probably have significant impacts on working environments.
For instance
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, for
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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certain types of careers,
namely
Add a comma
namely,
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 those who are celebrities, in order to pursue their passions, it is obviously essential to create and represent their best images to the audiences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the element of fortune is necessary.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one’s emotions would certainly influence their performance.
For example
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, whenever someone is in a good mood, things result in far better conditions, but when things go unexpectedly, one can let themselves down unconsciously.
Furthermore
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, nothing in
this
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 world is completely fair as there are plenty of errors or misunderstandings that actually exist. These would affect a quite great number of situations that people are in, and they are, indeed, unavoidable. To summarise, though luck is considered to be a factor that contributes to
success
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, there are some other elements which can
also
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 decide the
paths
Fix the agreement mistake
path
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 to one’s achievement.

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure every paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas and make your argument flow better.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is a good start.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a good structure with distinct paragraphs for different ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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