IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others . To what extent do you agree or dis agree?

#say #opportunity #dis
It is opined by some people that the best part of being rich is they can get a chance to help others
.
Accept space
.
I disagree with the opinion as affluent people might take their high bank
balnce
a state of equilibrium
balance
balances
 for selfish acts.
Firstly
,
Accept space
,
 many rich people
never understand
Suggestion
never understands
 the poor
people
Suggestion
peoples
 's life circumstances
,
Accept space
,
as a
result they
Accept comma addition
result, they
 spend their extra money
unnecessarly
in an unnecessary manner
unnecessarily
unnecessary
 to pursue their own interest
.
Accept space
.
For example
,
Accept space
,
 many rich
family
Suggestion
families
 celebrate their special day
such
 as
birthday
Suggestion
a birthday
,
Accept space
,
 marriage functions, naming ceremony by inviting their friends and families as they are concerned more
on
Suggestion
about
 their social status
.
Accept space
.
Apparently they never consider poor people as human beings because of their dirty dressing and sympathetical look
.
Accept space
.
Secondly
,
Accept space
,
instead
 of helping the poor person's the rich people exploit them
.
Accept space
.
For example
,
Accept space
,
many private company owners make the employee to work
hard
Suggestion
harder
 with less pay as they know that
underprivilaged
lacking the rights and advantages of other members of society
underprivileged
 people are not
know
Suggestion
known
 about their labour rules
.
Accept space
.
The best example is Plachimada
,
Accept space
,
 which is a small village in Kerala state
,
Accept space
,
 where cocoa -cola company
spred
distribute or disperse widely
spread
spared
poision
any substance that causes injury or illness or death of a living organism
poison
passing
passion
 water
.
Accept space
.
Moreover
,
Accept space
,
 rich people donate money only to famous charity organisation for getting a boost up for them and rarely that money reach to the right people
.
Accept space
.
Submitted by meeghaljohn89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: