IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

#countries #children #kinds #work #people #responsibility
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Children in many states are involved in various types of a paid job. There are people who are not in favour of
this
Linking Words
, and said that it has a detrimental effect in youngster’s life, while others are of the opinion that it is vital for learning, invaluable
work
Use synonyms
 experience, and a great way to train them to be responsible. I personally agree with the later. The reason for People who are not in favour of children to
work
Use synonyms
 lies in the possibility of children to get involved in an accident because most of the workplaces are designed for fully grown employees.
Work
Use synonyms
 equipment
such
Linking Words
 as an office table, oven are high and can be reached and operated by adults.
Also
Linking Words
, some equipment
such
Linking Words
 as welding machine, drilling machine are too complicated for children to use and their strength and abilities are not suited for
such
Linking Words
 machine. If youngsters try to operate or use these machines, they may get an accident or the worse may cause early death. It can be seen that some machines are dangerous for children to use. Having said that, I still believe that children can be benefited from doing paid
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will serve as a learning experience for them. They can have an overview on how the real world works, and
this
Linking Words
 may guide them in choosing their career in the future.
Also
Linking Words
, taking
work
Use synonyms
 will help them to become responsible. When they do a job, they learn their role in the company and may realize the importance of their
work
Use synonyms
. For an instance, my cousin who did a summer job when he is still grade 6 became very responsible when he grows, now he is a successful Engineer. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
Use synonyms
work place
a place where work is done
workplace
 and equipment are too dangerous for children, I still believe that it is invaluable in their development.
Work
Use synonyms
 experience can mould them to become responsible and they will gain insight of the real world.
Submitted by noel_baltazar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: