The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is undoubted that having a convenient quality of life has always been a crucial purpose for scientific inventors. By favouring
this
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groundbreaking advancement, individuals can benefit from various advantages
by
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of
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related applications.
However
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, it might have a negative influence on our mental health if
people
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excessively rely on it. In
this
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essay, I will elaborate on my perspective with examples below. Nowadays, progressive medication developments can reduce the majority of risk from physical disease effectively.
For example
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, patients can get formal therapy and medical recommendations from doctors
due to
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the popularization of medical improvements.
Thus
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, as long as
people
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follow the instructions from medical employees properly, there is no concern about getting severe physical diseases which will cause death.
However
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, if we use
this
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technological advancement without control,
such
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as mobile phones and social media, it might bring about a negative impact on our mental health.
For instance
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, researchers have proved that the percentage of mental illnesses dramatically skyrockets in a decade, especially in teenagers,
due to
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the overuse of social media platforms. It is quite common for
people
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to reveal their bright sides on social media in order to get attention,
however
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, it will cause a problem with low self-esteem and dissatisfaction by constant comparison.
Thus
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, individuals probably will suffer from mental diseases
such
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as anxiety and depression in the end. In conclusion,
although
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scientific innovations can assist individuals to have better quality of medication indeed, there remains a potential risk of getting mental disorders if we cannot apply them consciously. Only if
people
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strike a harmonious balance between technology and desire, can we dominate our lives
instead
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of being controlled by technology.

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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your position on the statement. You could directly state to what extent you agree or disagree with the aim of science.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, ensure each idea is fully explored. While you give clear examples, try to deepen your analysis of how these examples support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will help create a smoother reading experience.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences to avoid repetition and to improve clarity. Varying your vocabulary can make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples related to both physical and mental health to illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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