IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #life #pity #values #materialism
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often a debatable issue that individuals at the current
time
Use synonyms
 are indulging themselves to
work
Use synonyms
 for longer hours to obtain more things. It is a fact that it has made one's
life
Use synonyms
 more comfortable.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 acquisitive attitude has already superseded the authentic cultural values of
life
Use synonyms
. Personally, I am convinced that being materialistic reduces the moral values of an individual.
This
Linking Words
 essay will address my point of views. To commence with, it is certain that money has become an essential part of
life
Use synonyms
. There are several factors that ascribe to
this
Linking Words
 innovation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, significant for
time
Use synonyms
 has immensely increased, more people are engaging to
work
Use synonyms
 to the extent of consuming extra
time
Use synonyms
 for their professional
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is evidenced by finding out more possible ways for self satisfaction and chores convenient and hastily. The swiftest trend of fast food chains and restaurants that notably changes in people's food preferences. A vast number of individuals opt for processed foods that are easy to cook
although
Linking Words
 it is unhealthy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, prioritization has been altered, the level of participation,
for instance
Linking Words
, attending family gathering, some are willing to dedicate most of their
time
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 rather than spending
time
Use synonyms
 with their loved ones during festive and important family events.
Lastly
Linking Words
, they will prefer to relay their greetings over the telephone, social media as well as through sending gifts to fill their absence.
This
Linking Words
 change dwindles the importance of traditional culture and values.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people's fulfilment to urge for social status is another reason for long
work
Use synonyms
 hours. Undoubtedly, that in today's society, people are judged by the brand of what clothes they wear and gadget they carry.
Consequently
Linking Words
, attracts attention of the society which will lead on shelling out money for expensive clothing and electronics.
This
Linking Words
 materialistic attitude is
also
Linking Words
 one the reasons why the traditional values that we have inherited have diminished.
Conversely
Linking Words
, not all people
work
Use synonyms
 hard to buy comforts as well as luxuries that cause on compromising their traditional values. There are many who pound a balance in all different aspects of
life
Use synonyms
. In summary, it is a fact that earning a huge amount of money is sufficient to afford the things that a person wants and needs,
Linking Words
however maintainig
Accept comma addition
however, maintaining
however maintaining
 a good
work
Use synonyms
-
life
Use synonyms
 balance and containing the traditional cultural values are essential for future generations.
Submitted by april javate on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: