Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness,but sine people believe there are other external factors by hat influence us.discuss both views and give your own opinion.

7.0 / 9

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Introduction

It goes undoubted that opinion about any issue varies from

person

Use synonyms

person

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. Here, some people believe that happiness is the inner satisfaction of the soul while others recommend that bliss comes from money and objects.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay will shed light on both perception along with my own point of view.

Body paragraph 1

While taking

first

Linking Words

view into consideration, it can be said that happiness is the positive attitude towards life.When a

person

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accepts all the challenges in life happily,

then

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, automatically, it opens all the doors of success and a

person

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gets inner contentment. It only depends on the state of mind of an individual how

one

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can get peace of mind.

Moreover

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one

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can get pleasure by doing meditation.As, meditation acts as the food for the soul and it

also

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results to a joyful heart, happy and healthy state of mind.

Body paragraph 2

However

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, in the proponents of the

second

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view that enjoyment comes from the material of the extrinsic world

such

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as money, objects and things.In

this

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era, having a huge amounts of money leads to the happiest life as

one

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can fulfil their all dreams, including medication and basic needs. They believe that with the help of cash everything can be purchased even happiness.To add more, some masses get exhilaration by living and gossiping with their friends and family members as they can share their all secrets and grief with kith and kins which acts as a stress-buster for them and gives them jubilation in age.

Conclusion

It can be concluded that both views are are based on strong ground and it is obviously difficult to choose

one

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, but I personally believe that the former is worth following as intrinsic enjoyment is the best way to live a happy lifeline and latter

one

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also

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cannot be neglected.

Coc C

Jun 27, 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

7.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness,but sine people believe there are other external factors by hat influence us.discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many processed foods are ready-made meals contain preservatives and chemicals. What are the advantages to this? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, a growing number of schools have replaced traditional textbooks with digital tablets and online materials. Is this a positive or negative development?

Do you think that education and training should be completely free or it is better to require fully paid tuition? Which way do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people think that planning for the future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. Do you agree or disagree?