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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Online courses have been welcomed as a great opportunity by many students, other students see these courses as a poor substitute for classroom teaching. What are the advantages and disadvantages of studying an online course?

#courses #opportunity #students #substitute #classroom #course
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Learning through online courses has become a trend in contemporary times, particularly for the group of students.
This
 essay will argue the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 trend. On the one hand, utilizing websites to learn can indeed have some efficiency-related advantages.
For instance
, compared with earlier periods, people may not go to educational institutions to learn.
In contrast
, they can stay at their accommodations to study, thereby saving a considerable amount of
time
 in commuting. At the same
time
,
this
 improvement helps individuals become more efficient learners because online courses do not have any
time
 restrictions for learning.
As a result
, the public cannot face some restrictions
such
 as what
time
 the class starts;
conversely
, they can pay more attention to website classes when they feel vigorous.
On the other hand
, absorbing knowledge from the internet course is likely to have some detriments because of excessively unnecessary information on education. A typical example is social media. Many parents have experienced that their children use electronic devices to watch social media rather than learning their subjects,
such
 as English, mathematics, and science.
This
 is because most children lack concentration on their subjects or have insufficient supervision by their parents.
Furthermore
, it is common that the appeal of social media is larger than that of the educational aspect.
Accordingly
, unsurprisingly,
this
 is a negative phenomenon and decreases the efficiency of learning.
To sum up
,
while
 using the internet course to learn can indeed provide some benefits
such
 as efficiency aspect, it may become a detriment, especially for teenagers.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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task achievement
Your essay tends to use general examples rather than specific ones. For instance, you mentioned social media influence but without concrete examples, this can make your argument less convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear but could be more engaging to draw the reader in. Additionally, your conclusion is a bit abrupt and could benefit from a more elaborate wrap-up.
task achievement
You have successfully outlined both the advantages and disadvantages of online courses.
coherence cohesion
You maintained a logical structure throughout your essay, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-discipline
  • virtual classroom
  • digital literacy
  • e-learning
  • asynchronous/synchronous learning
  • courseware
  • webinar
  • interactive
  • multimedia resources
  • accreditation
  • digital divide
  • pedagogy
  • curriculum
  • MOOC (Massive Open Online Course)
  • blended learning
  • cognitive load
  • peer collaboration
  • learning management system (LMS)
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