IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that children should be by raised by all the family members (e.g. uncle, aunt, and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion

#people #children #members #e #g #uncle #aunt #grandparents #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Kids are one of the key elements of happiness,
hence
Linking Words
, it is essential to vehemently pay close attention to their upbringing. Lately, there has been a contentious argument among the majority of people that raising a minor should be collectively done by the extended family rather than single-handedly raised by their parents. In my opinion, youngsters being raised by the whole family are a good thing. The reasons for my opinion would be discussed below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, raising the juveniles by all the family members, most especially the grandparents, is a welcome development because of some reasons. One of
such
Linking Words
 reasons is that it would induce life-changing traits
such
Linking Words
 as empathy, love, respect, humanity, e.t.
c
Suggestion
C
 in the young-adults, which would
consequently
Linking Words
 bring a positive change in the society. To exemplify, a journal published by one of the US communities' firm showed that the communities with minors that are being raised by their extended family have records of low youth delinquency in the society. Another reason why youngsters' upbringing by the family members should be regarded as a step in the right direction is that it would enable the kids to be aware of their ethnic backgrounds, origins, and cultural norms.
In other words
Linking Words
, being raised by a group of family members would expose the kids to their ancestral legacy, and as
such
Linking Words
, the children would be well versed with their tradition and able to integrate when it comes to their ethnicity.
For example
Linking Words
, during my high school days, I was able to excel tremendously in my native language competition because I was raised by both my paternal grandparents and my parents. In conclusion, it is a good thing for children to be raised by their extended family
instead
Linking Words
 of being raised by their fathers and mothers because it incorporates life-changing traits in the minors and as well as makes them be acquainted with their family tradition.
Submitted by oluwabunmi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extended family
  • support
  • emotional stability
  • diverse experiences
  • perspectives
  • strong bonds
  • sense of belonging
  • multiple caregivers
  • burden
  • balanced parenting
  • find a balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: