Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

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Today’s
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In today’s

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world, a new generation
trend
Correct your spelling
tends

The word trend doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to create their own families when they reach thirty age, which was totally different in the past. I
am
Verb problem
apply

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highly
recommending
Wrong verb form
recommend

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb recommending. Consider changing it.

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this
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attitude in our new world, and I believe that the advantages of
this
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trend
is overshadowing
Wrong verb form
overshadow

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb is overshadowing. Consider changing it.

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the drawbacks. In
this
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essay, I will explain
the
Remove the article
apply

It is unlikely that your sentence needs the article the before both. Consider deleting the article.

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both sides of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view

It seems that views may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and support my opinion as well. On one hand, a majority of
individuals'
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individuals

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trend
Correct your spelling
tend

The word trend doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to have their own families, when they are thirties, as
in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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that certain age they almost completed their studies and started their business direction. Those abilities help them to be able to take the responsibility of having a family. Presently, both male and female
has
Change the verb form
have

It appears that the singular verb has does not agree with the plural compound subject both male and female. Consider changing the verb to the plural form.

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been
following
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

concept in life. As, they believe that
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb establish. Consider changing it.

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a family requires lots of things,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as having a house,
stable
Correct article usage
a stable

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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job and sufficient money as well.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, In
Canada
Add a comma
Canada,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In Canada. Consider adding a comma.

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most
of
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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individuals start to have a family when they have financial and social skills.
In contrast
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in the past people
have
Wrong verb form
had

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb have. Consider changing it.

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an easier life with
less challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer challenges

It seems that less challenge may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, which made them start their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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earlier.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, strong
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships

It seems that relationship may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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between small
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and big
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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give great help to small, new
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most of the ladies in the past were not working and in some regions not even go to school.
For
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

reason, most of the family
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage

It seems that the verb encourages does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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their children to get married earlier.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in18th century people used to start their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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twenties and
got
Verb problem
have

There may be a verb use issue here.

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lots of babies.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I think in our new
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world

It seems that worlds may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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it is so difficult to start
family
Add an article
a family

The noun phrase family seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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before the thirties, because of all the responsibility and challenge people need to face now.

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks relevant specific examples to support the points made. More specific examples and evidence are needed to fully support the ideas presented.
coherence and cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure with improved transition between paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion. Additionally, more attention should be given to the introduction and conclusion to improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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