IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Colleges and universities are entrusted and charged to impart education to people. Hence, it advised that these institutions educate students with more practical skills such as managing accounts and investments. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #colleges #universities #education #people #institutions #students #skills #accounts #investments
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
IN TODAYS FAST-PACED WORLD, EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS HAVE A CRITICAL ROLE IN IMPARTING VOCATIONAL SKILLS, PARTICULARLY IN AREAS LIKE ACCOUNTING AND INVESTMENT, TO BETTER PREPARE
STUDENTS
 FOR WORKFORCE. IN MY OPINION, I STRONGLY AGREE WITH THE IDEA OF IMPLEMENTING FINANCIAL
MANAGEMENT
 COURSE AND PRACTICAL SKILLS FOR THE
STUDENTS
.
TO BEGIN
 WITH, INDIVIDUALS WITH PROPER KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE CURRENCY AND ITS
MANAGEMENT
 CAN SAVE
MONEY
 FOR THE FUTURE.
ADDITIONALLY
, IT EMPOWERS FINANCIAL STABILITY AND ENHANCES THE LIFESTYLE. HANDS-ON SESSIONS IN EDUCATIONAL HUBS ABOUT INVESTMENT CAN OPEN THE DOORS FOR BETTER JOB OPPORTUNITIES IN THE FUTURE. THE COURSE WITH PRACTICALS SHOULD BE ADDED TO THE SCHOOL CURRICULUM TO MAKE THE
STUDENTS
 AWARE OF FINANCIAL
MANAGEMENT
. IT
ALSO
 HELP INDIVIDUALS OVERCOME FINANCIAL CRISES BY REALIZING THE IMPORTANCE OF INVESTMENTS. PEOPLE SHOULD BE AWARE OF INVESTMENTS
SUCH
 AS MUTUAL FUNDS, FIXED DEPOSITS, AND STOCK MARKET. SCHOOLS SHOULD ENCOURAGE CHILDREN TO EMBARK ON THEIR JOURNEY OF
MONEY
MANAGEMENT
 BY OFFERING PIGGY BANKS AND EXPLAINING THEIR IMPORTANCE.
MOREOVER
, PRACTICAL SKILLS AND CURRENCY-RELATED COURSES HELP PEERS FROM FINANCIAL SCAMS. THEY
ALSO
 CAN EDUCATE THE SOCIETY ABOUT INVESTMENTS AND THEIR BENEFITS. IT IS NECESSARY TO EDUCATE EACH PERSON ABOUT
MONEY
 AND HOW IT HELP IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE COUNTRY.
FOR EXAMPLE
, A FINANCIAL COLLEGE IN CHINA STARTED A CAMPAIGN OF 1$ INVESTMENT WHICH TURNED UP TO 10000$.
THIS
 ENHANCES THE ABILITY OF
STUDENTS
TO BEGIN
 STARTUP BUSINESS AND BECOME ENTREPRENEURS. IN CONCLUSION, IT IS NECESSARY TO ADD A FINANCIAL
MANAGEMENT
 COURSE TO THE CURRICULUM OF THE
STUDENTS
 TO MAKE THEM BETTER
MONEY
 SAVERS IN THE FUTURE
Submitted by drnivyamohan1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Improvement
Your argument is clear, but ensure that all your points are directly relevant to the central topic. Strengthening the link between vocational skills and the quality of life might help to further solidify your position.
Improvement
Try to elaborate on your examples and link them back to the main argument more explicitly. This will help in demonstrating the relevance and enhancing the overall quality.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and sum up your viewpoint effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have presented a logical flow in your essay, moving from the benefits of financial education to its societal impact.
Task Response
You have supported your main points with examples such as the financial college in China, which provides contextual understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: